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Blog
 All For You by Me
A sparkle of my sorrow
Drips in this shattered memory
These broken promises you made
Made my heart bleed eternally
This love is a never ending story
A maze I have to walk through
Silent screams inside my head
I wish you could just be true
Take my hand and don't let go
Make this moment last forever
Taking in all this pain for you
Why can't we just stay together?
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| »-(¯`v´¯)-» Heart »-(¯`v´¯)-» |
| 08.01.04 (8:45 pm) [edit] |
Okay so yesterday was [i]Japanese-American friendship day[/i]. If you don't know what that is, oh well. I had work until 3:oo and I covered for someone at the CDC for 2 more hours. So I got out at 5:oo and went straight home. I [i]changed clothes[/i] and went offbase. It was too crowded, bleh. Then at 7:3o there was[i] fireworks [/i]from Japanese, and American on the other side. Yeah I watched it from the hill I always go to. It reminded me so much of two years ago. Last night was the [i]first time I watched the fireworks since two years ago[/i]. Moving on, I have work at 3:oo today and yeah. [i]Life is getting so boring....[/i]
Another [b]sad story [/b]that makes me wanna kill the characters in the story. I mean, come on, TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM FOR CHRISSAKE! Don't wait until they die..
[u][b]I DIDNT WRITE THIS STORY!! [/b][/u][i] Just so you know..[/i]
His name is Frans.
I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club.
I found that I fell in love with him.
Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.
And soon we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each over in different ways.
I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.
To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl.
"Frans, do you want to go watch a movie?"
I asked.
Frans: "I can`t" Why?
You need to study at home? I felt disappointment grabbing me.
No I am going to meet a friend.
He was always like that.
He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.
To him, I was just a girlfriend.
The word "love" only came out of my mouth.
Since I knew him, I had never heard him say "I love you" before.
To us, there weren`t any anniversaries at all.
He didn`t say anything from the first day and it contineud till 100 days, 200 days
Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail.
I don`t know why
Then one day...
Me: Um, Frans, I...
Frans: What? don`t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Frans: you...um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 3 words and handed me the doll.
Then he disappeared, like he was running away.
The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room,
There were many...
The one day came, my 15th year old birthday.
When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
But ...lunch passed, dinner passed...and soon the sky was dark he still didn`t call.
Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep.
He told me to come out of my house.
Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Frans...
Frans: Here...take this... Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What`s this?
Frans: I didn`t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I`m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Frans: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he woudl remember my birthday.
He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.
Then I shouted..."Wait..."
Frans: Did you have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Frans: What?!
Me: Tell me I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.
But he just said simple cold words and left.
Frans: "I don`t want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said.
Then he ran off.
My legs felt numb..and I collapsed to the ground.
He didn`t want to say it easily...
How could he!
I felt that...
Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.
He didn`t call me, although I was waiting.
He just continued handing me a doll every morning outside my house.
That`s how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.
But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl...
He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...
I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...
Why did he give these to me?? Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls. In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.
Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to tbe bus stop outside my house.
I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.
I kept remiding myself that I am going to forget him, that it`s going to end.
Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Frans: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn`t help hating him, acting like nothing had happened and joking around.
Soon, he held out the doll as usual.
Me: I don`t need it.
Frans: What? Why?
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don`t need this doll, I don`t need it anymore!! i don`t want to see a person like you again! I spitted out al the words that were inside me.
But unlike other days, his eyes were shaking.
"I`m sorry..."
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
Bet he ignored me and just went to pick up the doll.
Then... Honk~~ Honk~~
With a loud honk, a big tuck was heading towards him.
"Frans! Move! Move away!"
I shouted.... But he didn`t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Frans, move!"
HONK~~ *Boom!* That sound, so terrifying.
That`s how he went away from me.
That`s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go throught everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him. And after spending two months like a crazy person, I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I rememebered the days I spent with him and started to count the days- when we were in love..
"One...two... three..."
That was how I started to count the dolls...
"Four hundredand eighty four... four hundred and eight five..."
It all ended with 485 dolls I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms, I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~~, I love you~~"
I dropped the doll, shocked.
"I...lo...ve..you??"
I picked up the doll and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~~ I love you~~"
It can`t be! I pressed all the dolls` stomach as it piled on the side
"I love you~~"
"I love you~~"
"I love you~~"
Those words came out non-stop. "I love you~~"
Why didn`t I realized that??? That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn`t I realize that he loved me this much... I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it`s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much....
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We`ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do know what 486 is?
I couldn`t say I love you.....Um... since I was too shy. If you forgive me and take this doll.. I will say that I love you..everday...till I die..
Jo... I love you!"
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now? He can`t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute for that.. and for that reason.. to me..... it became courage... to live a beautiful life.
[b]My opinion:[/b] [i]Always tell the person you love with all your heart that you love them. Cause you never know when something or someone will take him/her away from you. Like what they say, "It's better to regret something you have done than regretting something you've never done." Cause in life, you would always wonder, "I wonder what will happen if I did this/told him/her.."[/i]
[b]EDiT [i]!![/i][/b]
Mwahah this is just a pic that will make Kagome jealous, lol jk. Here you go Kag, drool on it as long as you want!
And of course Miroku !! *Drools on both pics*
I just noticed, Liz comes on as Sango while Josh's background is Miroku. Do you see the connection there?
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posted by: Antipodean (reply)
post date: 08.01.04 (9:08 pm)
Seriously... slight tears came to my eyes by the end of your tale. It's pretty powerful.
posted by: FoolishHeart (reply)
post date: 08.01.04 (9:12 pm)
Reply to: Antipodean
Thanks but it's not my story! Lol!
posted by: Outkast (reply)
post date: 08.01.04 (9:48 pm)
Goodness me...How Sad in that. Ohh it's all because she didn't press the dolls tummy?. Aww Thats a sad story.
Peace Out
-Amy T.
posted by: FoolishHeart (reply)
post date: 08.01.04 (10:01 pm)
Reply to: Outkast
Lol yeah, if I was her I would've played with the dolls the first time I got it, lol.
posted by: BroKenDreaMs (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (3:48 am)
What connection?.. *Thinks* Miroku and Sango.. they dont go together.. lol.. Maybe.. either Kagome and Miroku or Sango and Miroku.. *Shrugs* And that iz a sad story.. =/ .. *Pouts* Sooo sad..
posted by: kagome (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (6:10 am)
Kagome and Miroku?! o.O No! Sango and Miroku belong together, not kagome and Miroku. That would be weird. Sesshy!! Miroku!! @.@ *can't decide which one to drool on first and goes insane* Ey, that was a sad story. You're right, makes you wanna kill them for not saying they love a person!! Hmm.. *grabs both pics and runs off with them* MUAHAHA!! My precioussss..
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (7:42 pm)
Reply to: kagome
I did say sango en miroku!!
o.O
ur confusing me!! GIVE ME BACK M PICS!! Lol
posted by: FoolishHeart (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (7:42 pm)
*kills newbie* that was me
Lol
Oh nvm, u were talkin to liz o.O
posted by: FoolishHeart (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (7:43 pm)
Reply to: BroKenDreaMs
Liz!! Josh doesnt go to my blog anymore, lol.
posted by: Plainclothes21 (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (10:35 pm)
well again it was too long and i didnt read it. im lazy :P *paints a big smiley face on your stomach and runs away*
posted by: FoolishHeart (reply)
post date: 08.02.04 (10:57 pm)
Reply to: Plainclothes21
Lol too lazy, tut tut..
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